Friday, April 18, 2008

The Pretty Spotlight: The Art of Forgiveness

sooooooooooooo, where is the end of the line for forgiveness? is there an "end of the line"?

example: girl is obese. girl has no friends except for me. boys laugh at girl. girl grows up and yearns for attention and love. girl meets boy at pizza hut. girl fall for this boy, the first to show any real interest in her (i have my own theory as to why). boy proposes in 4 months. girl and boy get married. girl has baby. boy is surprised at the concept of reponsibility. (see, boy's mother was a crackhead who lived in a house that is currently being condemned. they grew up with very little. boy never had a real job until girl got it for him when they started dating. boy never had to pay bills. boy had never even been to red life. it was almost as if boy was from mars for real. and personally, i think boy is mildly retarded). boy does not like buying things for baby, only for himself. girl gets laid off. girl collects unemployment. girl gets sick. girl gets disability. boy will only pay exactly half of every bill from his separate bank account. if girl needs something and he buys it, he makes her pay him back. boy has a niiiiiiice stash of cash. girl does not because she supports baby and pays her "half" with her disability/unemployment money. boy is trying to save a total of $18K for his own personal use. girl now has gone back to school just to collect a check so she can continue to pay her half. boy resents her becasue (a) she's technically bettering herself and (b) he has to watch their kid for 3.5 hours and does not like it.

is this too much? this is actually only a snippet. (there's more, like his mom asking to live with them in exchange for food stamps...or his mom sticking him with a $6K bill from when she used his SSN to get governmental benefits...or the fact that he lies to keep working from home, which began because girl was medically having some issues, but he is selfish with is time and MUST have a nap every day they spend 24/7 together, with the baby-LITERALLY!)

but i wonder, is she supposed to endure this for the sake of her family and her marital commitment? i personally do not understand the concept of having separate everything and splitting everything evenly....that's like living as roommates. and if that's the case, why be married? i do not understand loaning your wife money to buy diapers. but she endures and forgives him for 2 reasons....(a) she's scared he'll leave and (b) she feels she is obligated to take it because she married him and these are the consequences of that choice and to the commitment she made before God. is this what we are expected to do as imperfect beings? i try not to judge others situations, because NO ONE can understand someone's else's true perspective...but i do feel like there are some times when i can identify/empathize and i vehemently disagree with some choices being made.

i'm not saying i feel she should leave right now...but if it were me, i'd DEFINITELY put my foot down about some things. even if it put me at risk for him to leave me. if he chose to do so, then that'd be on him. but i find it extremely hard to look at, be around, respect or even ACT like i respect someone who would treat me like this.
i do believe that we should forgive others. i do believe in the concept of reeping what you sow. i do believe that we should lead by example if someone is choosing to be wreckless or irresponsible. i do believe in family. i do not believe in this situation tho. at least not the way it is now.



The F$%K it List said...

I think there is a line to forgiveness; after all you only have two cheeks to turn. I have removed one friend from my life because I got tired of her not addressing the issues in her marriage, then divorce and addition of new man in less than 6 months and then turning around and blaming others for judging her even when no one said a word.

At first I was on her side, (I knew from the time she got married it was going to be a disaster he was hustling and they had a daughter whose birth he missed because he had been shot in ATL). but then this guy turned his life around and worked a GOOD steady job and she kept beating him up for it. I never sided with him but I told her to look at what she had done and then make the decision to throw stones. To make an already long story short, she kicked him out and moved another dude into his house within months (with her two daughters), & ended up being investigated by child welfare. I spoke to her about it and she was furious and told me I was and had always been judgmental of her (ok there is a lot more to this but that’s the big part)and her life choices. And I decided after hearing that I would sever the relationship totally. I had heard her say it before but when she said always had been I turned my last cheek and walked away.
I think about her because I hope my god daughter is ok but other than that it’s been a weight lifted.

PS if my husband did some 'ish like that I would kick his A$$. The vows you take before God are sacred but God would not want you to damage yourself just to live up to them. This man and his momma are at best TOXIC and she has a child to worry about

jameil1922 said...

this is awful! i'm working hard on my forgiveness. it's not easy but its necessary. like the one pic said, it's for your sanity. you're the one who goes crazy when you don't forgive. sigh.

12kyle said...

You can forgive...and leave. I don't think that she's helping herself by staying in this situation. You have to love yourself more than you love anyone else.

Still_Pocahontaz said...

Well I am a christian and I was taught that per the word you have to forgive seventy times seven which is pretty much all the time. I dont think that she should allow him to use and abuse her. I feel like she has made it this far really without him. Realize though no matter what any of us think or believe, she is not going to leave him until she truly understands the wrath of his unmerciless ways.

Kitty said...

She's gone beyond forgiveness and crossed over into that "letting him treat me like trash" and she should leave that situation. We all know it and I'm sure she knows it deep down too. Maybe she's not strong enough to. Hopefully she'll take some of Khia's "courage juice" and get it together.

Also, you've been tagged.

Miss Mika said...

Totally sounds like self esteem is lacking on her part. It is really unfortunate that a wife has to "barrow" money from the father of her child... to pay for a necessity like diapers and then be forced to pay him back! WTH?!!?

Forgiveness, as hard as it can be to do at times, sets the spirit free. Harboring a dislike towards a person or an action can reek havoc on one's spiritually. For me, it is always great to forgive. Holding that grudge just gives that person a sense of power over you and allows them to maintain it. Forgiving releases that power.