Thursday, April 24, 2008

Help Or Go It Alone?



PCD has been wondering for a while......would it be ok to hire help? i mean ok in the sense of feeling comfortable whenever this person has something to do. i struggle with the idea of a "nanny" because i'm maniacal about who is around my kid. and even tho a nanny would free up a lot of my time to do things quickly and quietly, i would be a nervous wreck. plus, i wouldn't want baby to start looking to the nanny before me when in need of something. even tho it takes me probably twice or three times as long to complete something with baby in tow, i don't think i could relax knowing that she was in someone else's care...


...but is this realistic? i don't think so. eventually, SOMEDAY, someone else will be responsible for her. i see nannies with other people's kids all the time! so much so that people ask me frequently if my kid is actually mine. (this happened repeatedly last week when we were at adventure-land). what if i am very ill? what if there is an event where me and hubby are attending and my mum isn't available? even the thought of a babysitter freaks me out! so i am wondering, should i have some occassional "help" that could slowly ease me into the idea of trusting another soul to look after baby?


it's different having help to do other things. cleaning, cooking or errand-time is a form of trusting people in your personal space. that's a huge hurdle as well. but in all honesty, if something were to go wrong in that arena, nine times out of ten, it would be something material that would suffer and could probably be replaced. but my baby? *gasp* and i won't even get started of all of the stories of abuse that haunt me...hidden cameras catching people doing monstrous things or NO cameras and your kid 's behavior changing because of some shady goings-on.


***WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON HIRED HELP?? WHAT ABOUT IN REGARDS TO CHILDREN?***

18 comments:

Queen of My Castle said...

I understand your plight. I can really offer no real advice. I was a stay at home mum for a while, and I slowly eased my sons into daycare to get them used to being with other children and they loved it, but my mom is usually available and she's the only person I trust with my 2 monsters. LOL. If you were to get one, I would say pray about it and be as discerning as possible in your selections and hidden cameras shouldn't necessarily be out of the equation, IMO.

jameil1922 said...

it's soooo important to get referrals. you should be maniacal about who is around your kid. that's what makes you a good parent. there is nothing wrong with getting help. if they help you now and do well, that will def. help ease you into it. and i don't think there's anything wrong w/nanny cams either.

TravelDiva said...

I'm okay with hiring help. I have a cleaning service clean my house every other week. It's a HUGE load off of my back. I tell you.

On the kids, that's a tougher call--but at some point, someone else is going to have to watch your kids.

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...

I understand how you are feeling, but I'd bet a million dollars that you and your daughter have a secure attachment/bond, so NO ONE and I mean NO ONE can come between that.

I did research on a similar topic in grad school and it's good for children to have other adults to form secure attachments to, but those additional attachments won't affect the attachment with the primary caregiver.

I'd suggest you interview the potential nanny and found one that you are comfortable with. Pray about it and trust God that your baby is covered in the blood of Jesus.

The F$%K it List said...

I wish I could offer up some advice on this one. When my maternity leave was on its way to ending I was so distraught because I didnt trust anyone that I met with about potentially taking care of CJ.

Then by the grace of God my mom referred me to a woman (her selliing point was she's a good southern woman and she cooks for the kids, hahah) . I went to her home every day for a week once or twice unannounced to see how she handled the other baby. When I finally let her meet my son he would not let go of her. I knew then that it would be ok.

I prayed hard on it and it all worked itself out. I don't know what I am going to do when he has to go to school.

!*!*!*!*!Fresh and Fab!*!*!*!*! said...

i think the best ting to do is like get referrals and stuff from friends and family.

because then, you will feel like they are more trustworthy, becoz ive seen some crazy stuff on tv about some of these nanny's

but, you have to be ready to let go too, some parents are a bit clingy, which is okay, but if you need to get work done and stuff...

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

@ queen...the daycare thing is what scares me because she can't talk (efficiently enough yet). and my godsister's daughter would come home screaming "JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!" so you know what they were doing all day. she has MANy playdates and social activities with other kids...that i supervise cuz i didn't want to stunt her social skills...it's the "supervision by someone else" thing that terrifies me at her current age :-S

@ jameil...i think i worry too much. i don't have a problem with a nanny-cam...but i'd be crazy worrying if i'd find something ON the camera. ugh! pray for me ;-)

@ traveldiva...i think i'm struggling most with her age. maybe when she can communicate better, i'd feel better

@ keisha...praying is the only thing tht will give me comfort...because going back and forth, i always find reasons to back up BOTH sides-lol!

@ F&F...i understand. i'll have to work up to letting go. as my mum used to say..."can't replace a babe, so be careful!" finding someone who shares and understands my concerns is possible...just have to work up to it

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

@ F-it...(whoops, i skipped u :-P) i think i'm making it worse in my mind. plus, i just love being with her. you make it sound so easy ;-)

Eb the Celeb said...

I think you should definitely ease your way into it though. It will make it both easier for you and her. A lot of kids that didnt have babysitters and such have a harder time adjusting when they start kindergarden...

Its funny though... my boss was talking to me a while back about what to do with his wife... he said ever since they had kids she doesnt want to do anything anymore but stay home with them. That she used to be so much fun and want to go to concerts and outings... but will not leave the kids with a babysitter so now they go no where...

Still_Pocahontaz said...

i agree with Queen. You have to pray about it.

When you feel comfortable go for it.

12kyle said...

JERRY! JERRY!

LMAO!!! That is too funny.

This is a real tuff one. I'm all for getting help but I'd want to exclusively interview this person. I'm talkin' background and credit check. It may sound like a bit much but our kids are too precious to be handed over to ANY body.

Good luck and keep us posted

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

@ eb...well, i would never keep hubby prisoner for fear of trusting someone. but on the flip side, my mum is just as particular...and she lives across the street from us. so when we need a sitter....

you get my drift ;-)

@ poca...yes ma'am!

@ 12kyle...i agree 200%! will do, sir

DreamCop08 said...

Okay I dont have any kids but I would feel leery about leaving my kids with someone else. They show on tv all the monstrous things that adults do to little kids and it is so sad. If you do decide to get hired help make sure that you do your homework and that its someone you can trust.

And I wouldnt hesitate to put up some camera's just in case. lol

Park Avenue said...

I don't have any children & I could STILL use some help! LOL I tell myself all time I need a personal assistant. I can imagine being a parent & all of the responsibilities/duties... I see nothing wrong with a little help. Of course, safety, legitimate referrals, background checks,etc. is paramount.

The F$%K it List said...

I wish it was easy. I cried the first time I took him there to go back to work. I called every hour the 3 days he was there. I was a wreck! So I stopped taking him and left it my husband. I still cry (more on that), I still call but I just do it less.

When CJ was born I carried him in a bjorn for as long as I could just so we would be close all the time. SO I feel you on loving to be with her, its hard! So maybe do one two days a week.

The F$%K it List said...

@ 12K I did a serious background, criminal check on so many people I could have been 5-0. My brother in law is a cop (and CJ's god father)... Need I say more.

oh and PCD look into private day care , I am not a fan of those big on every corner places in NY. Trinity church downtown has an awesome program but its pricey.

Marleaux said...

I'm toying with the idea of hiring a cleaning lady now; that's as far as I would go. I wouldn't want any1 outside the family near my baby. I have a mom that's available 24/7, but if she's not around, then like you, I might start thinking about other options. It is scary though.

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