Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Thy Quirks Shall Not Offend Others

i watch the real housewives of new york city on the bravo channel. i enjoy it because its funny watching these ladies scramble to outdo one another scene after scene. if you watch it, then you may agree that the NY cast seems a bit more fake than the orange county cast. they just seem like they are trying hard to impress people.

anyhoo, there's one couple, alex and simon. (alex is the blond on the right. she NEVER looks that polished-lol) they are trying to move upward into more social circles and network with more affluent people. what irks me about this couple is a laundry list of things. they try really hard to appear ultra-riche, very cultured, and fashionable snobbish. but what doesn't add up is the wife NEVER seems to comb/brush her hair. and she also wears a lot of dressy shirts with blue jeans that have no business being paired together, like a yellow, black & white sleeveless shirt with super-blue jeans. it just looks odd.

but what is the weirdest of all is her husband, simon. he is obsessed with clothes, including women's much so that he ALWAYS goes shopping with alex. when they are heading out somewhere, he picks out her outfit. alex and simon try very hard to force their closeness down everyone's throats. they go everywhere together...EVERYWHERE...because as they say, they're each other's best friend, are in love and have a good marriage.

what i find bothersome about that is one does not equal the other...meaning, you can have a good marriage and be in love, but that doesn't mean you have to become siamese twins. this particularly annoyed me because one thing that peeves me more than anything else is when someone else's quirks/preferences/lifestyle/ignorance choices are pushed into my space. in one episode the ladies met up at a fashion show and alex had simon lagging behind her. the other ladies were so shocked because no one else's husband had accompanied them...and then he sat behind them and started giving alex a massage while she was chatting with the other ladies.

but what took the cake was the latest ep! one of the ladies organized a ladies night dinner. when alex was called and invited, she specifically asked if she could bring her husband. the ladies joked with her saying that if he wore a cocktail dress, he could come. i understood the joke because when you are asked so mething so dumb, it catches you off guard...but you don't want to be rude and just blurt out "NO you friggin bloke! its a bloody LADIES NIGHT!" so you try to take the light-hearted way out. well, alex gets off of the phone and proceeds to tell simon that they were invited to a girls night and the ladies didn't vehemently insist that he shouldn't come. she actually showed up with him to a dinner that was supposed to be for 5 women. one of the ladies freaked out and left, of course after making some choice comments.

i brought this up to say that while they were offended by her reaction, their action was the first offense. i despise when people almost force you to appear snobby/mean/pushy when they insist on shoving their lifestyle or preferences into everyone else's space. just because alex wants to be joined at the hip with her husband, not everyone else does. and it was so rude of her to even ASK if she could "bring" him after hearing it was a ladies night. the explanantion that you go everywhere together is not enough. and if you can't bare to be without him for a few hours, then don't come.

i've been put in some situations similar to this...where my answer either offended others or i ended up pissed off because i didn't give my true answer out of not wanting to hurt the other person.

EXAMPLE: i was invited to a wedding. it was at a home. the young lady and i were not close but we were cool. i showed up dressed to the nines, i believe i was wearing a black suit. anyhoo, as soon as i walked in, i was ushered into the kitchen and asked to prepare the wedding cake. WTF!?!?!?! the WEDDING CAKE!?!?!?! they said, "well, you're an artist so you could probably do it." HUH??? artist and baker are two totally different things. i was furious! i was not dressed for this, not to mention, this girl and i were not THAT cool. but i took my jacket off and started to stack and ice this cake because i felt sorry that this girl's relatives were ruining what was supposed to be a special day. i was pissed, but i let my woman feelings take over and i did it anyway, but i shouldn't have. no one even thanked me.

on the flip side, when i got married, we had an all-white wedding. we asked everyone who was invited to wear white. my wedding was in the dead of summer so it was not going to be hard to find something white if you didn't already have something. being that it was outdoors, i was not expecting people to show up in complete tuxedos and evening gowns...just something tasteful and white. i made it plain that if you did not wear white you would have to sit in another section until the reception. well, someone showed up in head-to-toe peach. i immediately dismissed her via an usher. she respected my request and left to navigate the town and bought something white, then returned. she claimed not to know about the attire. but what was odd was her date was the best could you not know? but she didn't get ugly, she just threw on her white and sat behind some bushes.

now, on the flip/flip side....when i had my baby shower, only women were invited. all invites were addressed to the WOMAN, not the family, not the couple, but the woman. (this is the first rule of attention to how invitations are addressed to avoid awkward conversations) on the day of, one invited guest calls my mum and TELLS her "they're" running late, but we'd see all of them soon. the "them" she spoke of was herself, her husband and her FOUR CHILDREN. um, are you kidding? the nerve of her!!!! just because you like to make family outings out of everything, everyone else does not want to be subjected to your 1,2, AND 3 year old toddlers ripping, running and screaming everywhere. they also have an 11 year old. so i had my hubby call and shut it down. (it was his cousin) she got an attitude and said no one was coming then. then she said she'd mail my baby's gift. um, my daughter's 16 months old now...still haven't gotten that gift.

***so i'm not even going to ask my pretty circle family if you would be so rude as to insist on disrupting the vibe of an event for you personal comfort. i know you guys would never!...but i will ask, when have you been put out by someone's quirk or request? WHO ASKED YOU SOMETHING THAT WAS CONSIDERED OFFENSIVE BECAUSE IT AS ALL ABOUT THEIR PERSONAL COMFORT INSTEAD OF THE GROUP DYNAMIC? HOW DID YOU HANDLE IT? ARE YOU MORE LIKELY TO TRY AND FIND A WAY TO ACCOMMODATE THEIR REQUEST OR STICK TO THE AGENDA, REGARDLESS OF THEIR REACTION? SPILL IT...........***


The F$%K it List said...

You know how I feel about those NYC housewives. It bugs me because this is my city born and raised and all of these from the midwest women are giving a pretty tainted view of it.. They are less than 1 percent of the pop.

Anyway back to the question at hand. I don't normally let myself get put into situations that force me to be uncomfortable. But recently my cousins wife took me to a new level of pissivity! I called her to ask if her oldest daughter (12) would like to go to see hairspray as I was surprising my nieces with tickets. She said oh yes she would love it. Great. I told her all the details and that I would take care of the ticket to which she replied "well can you take daughter #2 I'll pay for her?" Daughter #2 is 5 and this is a broadway show, Why would you think that its ok to ask me that, its not a show for that age and she needs too much hand holding! I found out later during family gossip that this is her new thing, either people take all her kids or no one goes ( 3 in total). So how am I handling it I'm not going to take her, I told her its not for kids that age and that I would feel uncomfortable taking her on the train. Besides that the child barely speaks to me!

The F$%K it List said...

ok one more thing, I'm at home today (mental health day that is not working out so well since I am still working) and the housewives are on, The countess is really silly. I love what Alex said about no separation between church and state.

PCD curse you for making me tune in, LOL

LadyWritesTheBlues said...

I agree about the Real Housewives NY. I didn't get past the 1st episode, though because of that same damned couple that you are blogging about! LOL! This is my 1st time here. I will definitely be back!

dejanae said...

wow@them askin u to do the cake
get the hell outta here with that mess

u wasnt playin about that white.
i mean, white/peach
they're close enough.lmao

Queen of My Castle said...

OMG! PCD you sooooo remind me of one of my best girlfriends, Terri. Your mannerism, astute sarcasm that actually conveys your true feelings, posh, class. You so remind me of her. LOL. Too cute

Okay, onto the post at hand...I understand your views and your feelings are very valid. I've never seen the Housewives show. I must say that I commend both you and your hubby on the way you handled his cousin. I'm admire you for not going off on her and keeping it classy, and I commend your hubby for handling it like a man, putting your wants ahead of his family's, and standing up for you. You guys truly make me proud.

Your daughter is such a doll!!!! I want one! *pouting* LOL

Queen of My Castle said...

You're an artist?!

Brown Girl Gumbo said...

Love, love, love this post!!! I can't stand Alex from that show. She is such a wannabe with her hideous hair!! She does not look polished or chic EVER and neither does her weirdo hubby!!

Ok, to answer your question...

I have not been in that situation on either sides, but I totally agree with you!! Etiquette is so downplayed in our culture these days. People simply do what they want and expect you to just take it! Kudos for you telling the Georgia Peach to exit stage left!!! I'm shocked that she actually left to change - people who disregard requests usually try to get away with it completely, but she didn't (which is rare).

Also, you will NEVER get that baby gift from your relative! LOL


PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

@ F-it...see, exactly! you handled it just as i would have. little kids and big crowds AND stage plays other than winnie the pooh or diego are NOT a good combo! geesh! also, since you watched the episode...wasn't the "countess" a trip too? that was so rude of her to lecture bethenny AND to refer to hired help as children-UGH!

@ lady...welcome to the circle!

@ dejanae...that cake fiasco STILL burns me up! and the peach that young lady had on was one of those deep, summer peaches...not a light pastel peach so she looked crazed stepping into a sea of white

@ queen...thanks *wink* you know, i struggle sometimes with etiquette because i realize that not everyone was raised as i was...BUT leading by example gets tough when you run in to some trollops who insist on acting like crazed monkeys no matter the situation-lol!

@ queen...well, not technically. i paint for fulfillment. i have been featured in exhibits tho, but i do not sell or anything like that. it's just an outlet for me, but people who know me know that i do possess artistic ability, like artsy stuff (scrapbooking/gifting/custom packaging/floral arrangements/decorating). they just tried to harpoon it into what they wanted, but food is NOT my thing :-S

@ BGG...alex seriously needs a reality check. i actually messed around and read her blog for the show and the crap she offered as an "excuse" and "explanation" were absurd. she's seriously jaded.

georgia peach (lol) was a MESS! i actually saw her outfit before i saw her. i just looked out of my suite and saw peach thru some bushes and lost it. i was running around saying "who is peach-in-the-bush?!?!" i didn't even know her, but i tried not to overeact since she was the best man's date *grumble*

The F$%K it List said...

What really kills me about the countess (but all of them) is the snobbish attitude and sense that they are creme de la creme, when really all they were was lucky.

The only one who is not a bonafide B is Bethanny and maybe that has to do with the fact that she still remembers her struggle. I almost fell out watching them have a discussion on what class is and that you are born with it. Well clearly God skipped over each and everyone one of them when handing out class. Ugh so frustrating and yes I will be watching the finale. I am such a TV masochist.

Still_Pocahontaz said...

Well at my wedding my husbands grandmother thought it would be cute to put his smaller cousins hat(the frilly ones you wear for Easter) on her head, being silly and playful. It came time to take a picture and the 72 year old thought it would be cute to leave it on. I told my husband to tell her to either remove the hat, or remove herself from the picture. She chose to get out of the pictures, she stomped off shouting and cursing, come to find out she was straight up drunk, so I didnt feel bad anyways.

Mizrepresent said...

Okay, my ex's cuz asked to have her wedding at our house. I agreed to house the wedding and she said that her family will do everything else, prepare the food, serve it, decorate and cleanup. Low and behold, i did not know they were preparing food in my kitchen, and i ended up serving food, and while everyone else was enjoying themselves i am the only one cleaning up...but what pissed me off the most, when she thanked everybody, and never mentioned my name.

jameil1922 said...

God forbid I be put in that sitch b/c Im gonna have to call on Him!! So ridiculous. Is etiquette that hard????

Elle said...

I could have easily ended up in this post! I was a frequent offender when I was with my ex...attached at the hip we were. You live and you learn. Now I suffer from an acute allergy to anything that looks like commitment. I need to find a middle ground!

Boutique Mix Fashion said...

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! I can't stop laughing. I haven't watched but this is a great teaser.

Smaragd said...


first off, u had an all white wedding? that's my wedding theme for my wedding too(not married yet), yay! and i hope ther'll be no "peach in the bush" cuz in Nigeria, it's difficult to boot pple

u mentioned OC, i absolutely love it! never seen this NYC housewives,and thanx to u, dont want to see it.

cab't think of any situation now, will search the deep within and come back to put it up IF i ever find any.

@ the wedding cake episode, i hate it when pple just cant show gratitude! "Thank you" is really very easy to say, duh!

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

@ smaragd...welcome to the circle!!!

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

@ boutique mix...welcome as well