when around new people or acquaintances, i would never say hurtful things about one's appearance (even if i'm thinking it) and i don't feel the need to comment on details about others' personal style choices. case in point, a young lady who i had just met was accompanying me and my friend out on the town. we were all getting dressed and everything i did quickly came under fire. "look at your dress!" "i never dress up like that." "oooh, you're putting on make-up?" "you're so fabulous" "you're wearing heels? can you wear flats around us cuz we're short?" "you're so diva" "i can't take pictures like that" "oh my gosh! even your lipstick is fabulous" "are you always like this?" "you should be on the Real Housewives of Orange County for whatever county you live in." "if people saw you on that show, i'd say 'yes, she really is like that."
and the more she commented, the more disdain she had in her tone. her constant acknowledgments of my fabulosity became more and more of an insult than a compliment. and after about 2.5 hours of her diarrhea mouth, i quietly sat back and assessed her situation. now, as i said, i am fabulous from head to toe...but anyone can be fabulous if they put forth the effort. there is no one recipe, no one look, no definition...you just need to work it! but if you are already lagging behind and you don't know how to work it, then sometimes you target those who are. this young lady was 7 inches shorter than i and weighed probably 50-65 pounds more than me. she is older and was shall we say, financially embarrassed at the present time-ESPECIALLY given where we were hanging out. her look was tired (she asked to use my makeup)...her clothes were ill-fitted, and all i could assume was that her hair had been assaulted by a gang of anti-stylists. so to even acknowledge our situations in the same sentence was like comparing apples to oranges.....STARK OPPOSITES and no comparison.
i never responded negatively to her comments, but all the while i was confused by her relentless questioning of my choices and the lack of hers. i guess i could understand since she looked more like....
ok, i kid, i kid....she wasn't as gray-haired....ok, let me STOP! *sniggle* (but she made me mad, ya'll). but lately, the commenting and comparisons have been happening a lot. my cousin has a daughter who was almost born on the same day as mine. needless to say, she compares and comments about everything. she even told me she was competing to see who could do what first. once my daughter started to excel past hers, she became bitter and started picking fights with me about anything. we barely speak now. i am not sharing this story to boast about myself because i am no celebrity, not uber-riche, nothing more than myself. but i do invest time and effort into my appearance. i feel your appearance represents you-period. if you are polished, well put together and clean...then that may speak volumes about you. if you are sloppy, slovenly and dirty, well..... i value education and culture and believe that i should take advantage of every opportunity at my disposal. i don't believe in laziness or wastefulness. if for some reason, someone else may not uphold these values, that is their freedom of choice and i do not feel i should have to become the target for others insecurities. to me, esteem is as simple as a choice. i was not always "fabulous." in fact, i used to be down-right fugly! but i channeled some of my efforts into my appearance and changed it to something i was more comfortable with.
if you are comfortable in your skin and are loving what you are blessed with...then ROCK ON!!! keep doing your thing and try not to let others bring you down. but if you or someone you know does not like something about their appearance....I ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!! DO IT FOR YOURSELF....SO THAT WHEN YOU GO OUT, YOU CAN FEEL LIKE A ONE PERSON PARADE...OR WHEN YOU STAY IN, YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR OWN COMPANY. do whatever you need to do to elevate your esteem because it is unattractive to harp on others because of what you lack. it is also a turnoff because...who wants to hang around a party pooper that always complains? and if all else fails...don't hate me because i'm beautiful & fabulous! *wink*
***QUESTION*** HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE THE TARGET OF SOMEONE'S INSECURITIES ON A PERSONAL LEVEL? I DON'T MEAN SOME STRANGER IN THE STORE ROLLING THEIR EYES...I MEAN SOMEONE IN YOUR PERSONAL SPACE THAT YOU ACTUALLY KNOW? HOW DID YOU HANDLE IT?