Monday, June 23, 2008

To Be A Child....

i woke up this morning to find "the sixth sense" playing on tv. when i first saw it years ago, i thought it was a brilliant albeit sad movie. i'm sure all of you have seen it, but for those who haven't, it's about a young boy who is tormented by the visions he has of ghosts. the ghosts walk around as if they're a still alive and they talk to him. now regardless of whether you believe in paranormal made me think about how hard it can be for kids just growing up. really, some kids have it HARD!

it doesn't have to be something as traumatic as seeing ghosts. for instance, i had it really rough socially coming up. what i learned really quick was that kids will FIND something to mess with you about. you could be the cutest, the smartest, the whatever-est and someone will find a reason to pick on you about it. i usually got picked on for my hair and mother bought me nice clothes and my hair was neat every day with ribbons and things. once i became a teenager, i was picked on for my body. i was very thin and developed kind of late. it seemed like a never ending cycle. i went to college thinking people would instantly be mature and the foolishness would end...but no. as a college student, i was pretty serious walking around campus. you wouldn't catch me laughing wildly or hooting and hollering with my friends all across campus. i usually walked quietly to class with my headphones. i got messed with for that...said i appeared to have an attitude. in the beginning it was hard to handle. i became so upset by the teasing that my stomach would hurt. i couldn't eat breakfast in the mornig because i dreaded going to school so badly. my last 2 years of high school were better, it seemed like i became popular overnight, but there were still some haters. but because i had become much more fabulous *wink* it was easier to dismiss them. by the time i got to college, it was more annoying than anything....

but what if kids are struggling to overcome their social hurdles? what if they are like cole fromt the sixth sense and find it hard to tell whats really going on with them so it begins to show in their behavior? what to do? and i also learned that girl children and even women have it much harder than boys and men. it almost seems as if (some) women are haters by nature. ONLY because i had a wonderful family did i not sink into the traps of being a tormented kid.....



She W0rd Hustlez said...

Social hurdles are a mutha! Kids do have it bad, because some kids can be so cruel. Even more so now days. I was picked on in school, but I can't say I was tormented. I was always chubbier and shorter than everyone. I mean even now at the age of 24; I'm only 5 feet tall. Adults still have smart remarks about my height. Now days, it doesn't bother me, but having heard it so much growing up; I've become annoyed with it. This hurdle didn't stop me from having friends or boyfriends in school. I was still self conscious about it though. I had a low self esteem with it came to my height and weight. When I got to college, I was pretty much over that. Mentally, I surpassed most, and for those who remained immature were ignored and in some strange way their hating stroked my ego a little bit, loll.

The F$%K it List said...

I was picked on for two reasons, being dark skin and being a nerd. I never really cared and I don't think it did anything but make me more motivated. I was also always popular with the boys :) My mom was fantastic and would deem anyone adult or child a hater.

Now that I am 33 I look back on this and I laugh because those same chicks 1) still don't like me and the reasons haven't changed. 2) I still don't care because I look at their lives and go see you should have been more focused.

So HATE ON ME HATERS! And I will raise CJ the same way my mom did us.

jameil1922 said...

i was always the one helping out the socially awkward. i had 4 or 5 different groups of friends who didn't like each other in elementary school and i kept the nerds from getting picked on. middle school the black kids hated b/c i "talked white." that bothered me for oh a month until i met people who talked like me and we're still friends and college educated!!!! hate on me haters now and later. besides the you talk whiters, i've never had social issues.

Kitty said...

I too was picked on for being a nerd I was also pretty thin and wore glasses my mom dressed me nicely and all but still.

For me, it wasn't the kids at school that would try to diss me because nerd or not, I was a funny chick.
It was usually the neighborhood kids or my ghettofied cousins that would tell me I "acted/talked like a white girl".
But I learned really quick how to get back at em.
"yo mama" jokes and cracks about their bad breath or jacked up haircuts were a quick fix.
Luckily it was never too malicious and we always went back to being friends.
Some kids take that kinda stuff to the heart. My mom was too stuck up to have any "low self esteem" kids tho. Haha!! She always made us think they were just jealous.

Kitty said...

No offense, She W0rd Hustlez. I left my comment b4 i read everyone else's.

Dreamy said...

great post! I was tormented a child I was real skinny, had long hair, was awkward, poor and wore big red glasses! I was teased damn near everyday!

All I wanted to be was invisible , so it would stop! Lucky for me I had a fight with the most popular girl in school and they left me alone after day!

Later down line I grew out of my awkwardness to become beautiful!

I've learned that no matter what u do some kids are gonna cruel! But God does take care of his own

Sexxy Luv said...

Growing up I was very skinny and tom boyish. When My body startedto mature around the age of 15, I grew this large behind, I became very insecure about my appearence, it didn't help that my mother also became insecure, I was not allowed to wear dresses, skirts, or shorts only pants, I was known in school and still to this day "Keshia with the big booty!" LOL :)

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

@ swh...(i condensed your name, hope you don't mind :-P) anyhoo, i totally understand. you're shorter, but i was the tallest (i'm 5'10" now) and it was terrible! but i work it now...i just am concerned about lil' PCD :-S

@ an adult it is totally different now. i love the attention... but as a kid, it seemed like i couldn't win. if i was talkative, my accent was an issue, if i was quiet, i had an attitude, if i came to school looking like myself, i thought i was was a mess!

@ jameil...i love the "white talking" comments! and i usually end my rant at the ignoramuses with a recommendation of harriet cole's book 'how to be'

@ kitty...good for you being able to snap back! i never could...i was (and am) sensitive, so my feelings would be so hurt that i couldn't get it together...i think that is a LARGE factor to my outspokeness and snappy come-backs now :-)

@ dreamy...ah, you suffered in similar ways as i did. i just feel for kids cuz a lot of them don't understand the dynamics of being teased. as an adult, we can shrug it off, turn it to benefit our esteem and so on. but most kids get lost in their hurt feelings and humiliation and that breaks my heart. the 6th sense really had me feeling bad this morning...cole was so sad and mistreated!

@ sexxy luv...welcome to the circle! i used to wish i could have half of your problem because i could eat a horse and still have appeared like a toothpick!

Smarty Jones said...

Girl, YES!!! And it didn't always start or end at school. Mine started with my family. And truth be told I'm still getting over it.
My mom's side of the family was color struck, or at least that's the impression I got. I am the darkest grandchild on that side of the family and I caught HELL for it. I remember crying myself to sleep some nights praying to God to make me "not dark" anymore.
If that weren't enough, my parents got the bright idea to put a Jheri Curl in my hair when I was 8. I had it until I was 10.
I got picked on by the kids at school so badly that I cut so much of it off that my mom had to start braiding my hair again to get it to grow back.
After that, I started hanging out with my guidance counselor on a regular and playing sports. It got better because I repositioned myself and realized that I didn't like those people anyway and I didn't need their approval.
That's a hard lesson to learn when you're 11 or 12 but I'm better for it and I wouldn't change it for the world.
It's all made me who I am and FINALLY, I like me. I really do.

The F$%K it List said...

@PCD My sisters and I got that too! But My mom was the reason I don't think we handled it better. Don't get me wrong there were many a time we got mad, I had a fight with this dude about the skin color thing (a real physical throw up your fist thing). But my mom went right to his mom and told him 1) he was a punk getting beat up by a girl and 2) he was a disgrace because he was a afro-american boy and all he could do was think of picking on someone darker (he wasn't even that fair and he called me the N word thats why he caught a beat down). She also told the mom it was her fault.

When your mom starts throwing this kind of truth around its a given that you are alwaye the favorite kids on the block but we were ok because we had each other. And our real friends.

I do however feel for kids who don't have mothers like mine (my hubby didnt, and it shows in some of his actions to this day). I just want CJ to know the world is his, and people who try to cut him down are not worth the tears. My mom raised three tough girls!

THARULA said...

good analogy...fitting in is hard...sometimes the ridicule can help strengthen you but for kids it usually breaks them down and make you feel akward.

12kyle said...

Good post PCD

I was kinda the opposite. I was the kid who was cool with the bad asses and the nerds. I wasn't teased at all. I was smart but cool. I kinda bridged the gap between a lotta students. I liked that, too. When I got to high school, I was the football star who could be seen talking to the jocks, then with the ladies, then with the nerds. I'm a people person

One of my friends from high school calls me The All-American Guy LMAO!!!

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

@ smarty...i'm glad you're good now because that HAD to be hard getting it from your fam. i swear, in todays society, i wouldn't mess with a kid for anything because they can't handle it and they're fighting back...not always in the appropriate ways either

@ F-it...ok, i'm so mad at you fighting dudes! lol!

@ tharula...welcome to the circle! ad of course, i totally agree with your comment

@ kyle...ok, how did i know yyou were gonna say some stuff like that? not to take away from your horn tooting, but girls have it waaaaaaaaaay harder...and if you're a guy, especially one that plays a popular sport, oh please! i mean, look at sam cassell...i'm sure he's not hurting for ANY attention, especially now. but be a girl and have a bad hair day and there's a humiliation parade just waiting for you-lol!

*that comment in NO way was to compare you to sam cassell (ew)...but to support my claim that even the not-so-attractive guys who play sports can get by. now be cute and play sports and (as you say) fuggidabowdit!

Foia said... are amazing..

Okay I'm just sterotyping here but I betcha I'm right..those were black kids teasing you about your hair, head phones ect right?

Yes. I had the same problem. My mom always had me wearing dresses and nice little hair well that's another story..but it was long as hell..still is but it was 2 my ass before I chopped it. They did not want to claim me..I looked "white" i guess..because I got asked everyday by some ignorant person "What is you"..

But listen..I always had a positive side I danced *whoa now not stripped* for 14 years growing up *ballet, tap, hip hop, jazz, lyrical,ect* and my friends of other races were on a different level. I could really be myself and not be judged for speaking proper and using correct english.

I grew into who I am today by living on both sides of the street. I am the hoodest girl if I want to be, or really "becky" lol..

High school child..I went to a mostly all white school. I graduated w/ 55 people I believe. So you can imagine our african american community. Let's say that I was one of a kind. I hung out w/ everybody, and I most certianly did not associate myself with foolishness. I dated white boys..because the black guys weren't about much, and if they were one of the other black girls had already been there done that. And I don't do leftovers.

College- I had my own apt, and def. did my own thing. I thought I was 2 grown up when I moved out 3 days before my 18th bday. But college was easy. I can say I have a few friends from the beginning of my college years.

But people that tried to break me in any form or fashion. I prayed often..that if I turned my cheek..some how some way it would pay off.

I'm sad to say..most of those same girls have tons of kids. *not saying anything is wrong w/ kids* I have ONE and I thought I was going to be married to her father. But these chicks have husband, no jobs in BH Mi.. and keep having babies...

And yes I do believe that black people are natural haters...

Sorry babe for turning your blog into my blog..but this was a really good subject..You are too fly because of what they made you. I've been to hater training camp, and it looks like we both graduated!

Luv ya


Eb the Celeb said...

I had glasses and braces... so you know how that went...

plus I had no boobs when everyone else had them

but i was a tough girl so anytime someone said something they got something right back so drill fest never bothered me too much

The F$%K it List said...

Yes before I was the refined woman I am today I was 100% tomboy! I'm still a little hot tempered but I'm definitely not who i use to be.

12kyle said...

LMAO @ U!!! I knew what you meant about being an athlete. Can't be mentioned in the same breath as Sam. LOL

I will say that I've known guys who had a HARD time making friends with girls...not to mention trying to date them. Maybe it was different where I grew up. I knew some "scrubby dudes" who barely had friends.