Not-So-Likely Friends...

...in your head. this may resemble 12kyle's post yesterday about being attracted to people that typically you wouldn't dare think about in that way. well, this post is about friends that you think you'd like to have that are not as obvious. i did a post a while back about people you'd like to know, but they were pretty much along the lines of your typical and usual interests. this all popped in my mind because of my current obsession with tori spelling and her show, tori & dean: home sweet hollywood.

i know, i know. how unlikely? but besides enjoying the show, i feel like tori spelling and i could be friends. she's so unaware and charming. and seeing her show really opened up another side to her. she's worlds away from the presumed snobby, money-mongering hollywood heifer she used to portray. since getting married (again) and popping out 2 kids, she seems so...normal. and i enjoy having her as a friend in my head. so........

***WHO IS A FRIEND IN YOUR HEAD THAT SEEMS SO UNLIKELY?***

To Gift Or Not To Gift...

morning everyone! your friendly neighborhood PCD is here and i'v got an opinion question of you all.




first let me say that i am an extraordinary gift giver, if i say so myself. i pride myself on taking real time to decided upon gifts that speak to the receiver, reflect their tastes and stand out. my gifts usually have multiple components and i always customize/personalize at least one of them. with that said, this aspect of my gift giving usually gets me in trouble. well, not literally...but trouble in the sense of being upset when people do not even think of me in the most basic of gift giving etiquette.





example...a college "friend" of mine was having a baby. we barely talk (or email) and only got reacquainted when she found out i was having a baby. we do not live in the same state. when it was almost time for the baby to be born, i got an invite to her baby shower. now of course, it was terribly (and shamelessly) a ploy for a gift because everyone knew full well i would not be attending the shower in 2 weeks from this far away. i mean, she's not my bff or anything. so while i started constructing my gift basket for her tike, i stopped dead in my tracks. when i had my baby i didn't get so much as an e-greeting saying congratulations. sure there were emails sent and they said how cute lil PCD was...but that really was just them being nosey wanting to see what she looked like. as i thought about it, i was bothered because people KNOW how much i put into gifts that i give. and i started to get angry. needless to say, i did not send a gift.





my decision bothered me because i actually enjoy giving gifts, especially for babies because i shop at boutiques for one-of-a-kind items a lot. i like to give things no one else will have given at the party (like what happened at my shower, i got 3 of the same thing-bleh!). i love to see that people's faces or hear their reactions. i take a lot of time finding things to comprise the gift so i really like hearing that the receiver likes it. now as of last week, i found out another "friend" just got engaged. she didn't even tell me...i found out on facebook and it was verified by word-of-mouth. now all of the sudden, i get an invite to the bridal shower...again, we are not in the same state, and she's bff's with the other person i just mentioned.





or like my cousin who i mentioned in previous posts...when my baby turned one, you'll never guess what she got her. she got a pair of jeans and a plain white long sleeved shirt. i understand that people's taste vary, but COME ON! but the kicker was that when i went to return it to the store, there was no gift receipt or tags so i had to ask her where it came from. she says target. so why when i went to guest service did they tell me that they only cost $3.30!?!?! TOGETHER!!! both items were on clearance and they cost THREE FRIGGIN DOLLARS???? and of course, for her babys b-day, i got her a basket with learning toys, an ABC caterpillar, a dress, some books, stuffed animals and had balloons tied to the handles


i'm like-WHY!?!? why do people think i'm so dumb? the sweet side of me wants to send something anyway cuz like i said, i love shopping for gifts, especially ones that stand out. but why should i? i'm starting to alter my thinking to the ideal that people should receive gifts from me because they "deserve" it, not just because i like giving them...

i struggle with this because i do not have (active) fair-weather relationships in my life. i just don't function like that. sure, people try to pull me into their fake associations, but i do not treat people like that. if we don't talk on a regular or semi-regualr basis, then don't reach out to me when its your birthday or wedding. i think that's fake. if when i got married and had my baby, you were only there to email your nosey picture requests, then don't send me invites to your crap in hopes of a gift. even someone really close to me is like that with their family...they don't talk unless its a holiday or event like birthday or someone's party. who DOES THAT?





***DO YOU THINK I'M BEING HARSH BY NOT SENDING GIFTS TO THESE LADIES? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN BLATANTLY USED JUST SO YOU CAN GET SOMEONE SOMETHING OR DO SOMETHING FOR THEM? HOW'D YOU REACT? SHARE...***

You Are Officially CUT OFF!!

sooooooooo my good people...have you ever found yourself in the position of cutting someone off? perhaps, excluding someone from your life who was more of a burden than a pleasure? or maybe someone who treats you less than the wonderful way you treat them? i seem to find myself in that position much more often than i would like, but it is what it is.





i guess because the weather is changing, so is life....and its time to take out the trash and cut off the ones who aren't flourishing in the garden of my life (tee hee hee, aren't i snarky?). take a peek into a few of the weeds trying to choke out my splendor...







cousin...one year younger than i, has a daughter same age as mine. i am much more outgoing and outspoken and she struggles socially-A LOT! my issue is, she only calls me when the retarded vagrant of a husband of hers does something her. she always wants me to tell her what to do or woo-saaaaaa her into feeling good again. she's very needy and can never join me in events where she won't get all of my attention. whenever i try to get together with her so the babies can play or just for a socially good time, she almost always cancels....VERDICT: I AM NOT DR. PHIL. I HAVE MY OWN LIFE AND DO HAVE TIME NOR AM I INTERESTED IN BEING INVOLVED IN CONSTANT DRAMA. AND IF YOU STILL SECRETLY LOATHE ME (which she actually told me once), THEN LEAVE ME ALONE AND STOP TRYING TO BORROW PIECES OF MY LIFE BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE YOURS!






acquaintance (who i thought was on her way to becoming a friend)...3 years older, son same age as my daughter. we were introduced thru a mutual acquaintance and thought it'd be good to let the kids socialize. soon, we discovered some likenesses and seemingly fed positively off of each other's differences. well, it seems as if this acquaintance has become extremely lop-sided. i am usually the one calling to say hi, schedule play-dates and suggest outings for us and our spouses. first things first, PCD is NO groupie! trust and believe i have plenty to do and i chase no one. so you get all of a few chances to act like you don't want to be bothered before i ax you. in the past 2 weeks, she cancelled at the last minute on TWO occasions. the first was her suggestion, which i rearranged my day to accommodate. the second was the GNO i arranged. as previously stated, when i orchestrate GNOs, they usually require dressing nicely and looking fabulous. i think she has a issue with this, as i've noticed she usually is dressed rather blandly. thats cool...but um, don't lie to me and say you have strep throat 2 hours before we're leaving. i don't believe you....AND she pulled out of an event she invited me and my baby to. if i hadn't remembered the date, it would have totally passed us by...and furthermore, she casually says she's not even going and that her hubby would be there. um, do i kick it with your hubby? did he invite me? HOW RUDE!! sooooooooo, VERDICT: I AM PCD. I AM NOT IN THE BUSINESS OF CHASING GROWN FOLKS OR BEING THE ALWAYS-AVAILABLE-ANNIE WHEN YOU WANT, BUT WHEN THE TABLES ARE TURNED, YOU HAVE AN ATTITUDE, YOU ARE SICK, YOUR EYE FELL OUT, YOUR DOG DROVE OFF WITH YOUR CAR OR WHATEVER. BE CONSIDERATE AND TREAT PEOPLE HOW YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED. TOO BAD IT WON'T BE WITH ME.



so as you can see, PCD is not the one to try and mess over. i hate even having to deal with this because it truly pains me...but at the same time, i am not a doormat. and people will go as faaaaaaaaaaaaaaar as you let them. and the buck stops here...


***HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO CUT SOMEONE OFF FOR ACTING A FOOL, INAPPROPRIATELY, OR JUST NOT IN A MANNER THAT MADE YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE AS THEIR FRIEND/RELATIVE/ACQUAINTANCE? SHARE..........***

Tickling Your Fancy...With Friends

bonjour, mes amis! i hope everyone had a great mother's day/week/weekend!






its the time of year when we peel off the hats, scarves and boots...and slide into some sandals, flirty dresses and linen. and i, personally can't wait to go on my next GNO (girls night out). we typically like to go overboard with the fashion, and fabulosity....meaning we love to enjoy places that have great food, great ambiance and great people posing about. we never do anything casual on a GNO. we always decide to go somewhere flashy where dressing up is required. there's just something about putting on a slinky dress, fab heels with a perfect face and hair. LOVES IT!!!!!!!
















well, in a few days, we'll be venurting off to do our thing...but tell me,





***WHERE DO YOU LIKE TO GO WITH YOUR CIRCLE OF FRIENDS??? IS THERE A SPECIFIC PLACE YOU USUALLY VISIT? IS THERE A TYPE OF PLACE??? DO YOU HAVE A RITUAL OF MEETING AT THE SAME PLACE ON THE SAME DATE??? WHAT TICKLES YOUR FANCY WITH YOUR FRIENDS???***

The Pretty Spotlight: The Art of Forgiveness

sooooooooooooo, where is the end of the line for forgiveness? is there an "end of the line"?

example: girl is obese. girl has no friends except for me. boys laugh at girl. girl grows up and yearns for attention and love. girl meets boy at pizza hut. girl fall for this boy, the first to show any real interest in her (i have my own theory as to why). boy proposes in 4 months. girl and boy get married. girl has baby. boy is surprised at the concept of reponsibility. (see, boy's mother was a crackhead who lived in a house that is currently being condemned. they grew up with very little. boy never had a real job until girl got it for him when they started dating. boy never had to pay bills. boy had never even been to red lobster...ever...in life. it was almost as if boy was from mars for real. and personally, i think boy is mildly retarded). boy does not like buying things for baby, only for himself. girl gets laid off. girl collects unemployment. girl gets sick. girl gets disability. boy will only pay exactly half of every bill from his separate bank account. if girl needs something and he buys it, he makes her pay him back. boy has a niiiiiiice stash of cash. girl does not because she supports baby and pays her "half" with her disability/unemployment money. boy is trying to save a total of $18K for his own personal use. girl now has gone back to school just to collect a check so she can continue to pay her half. boy resents her becasue (a) she's technically bettering herself and (b) he has to watch their kid for 3.5 hours and does not like it.

is this too much? this is actually only a snippet. (there's more, like his mom asking to live with them in exchange for food stamps...or his mom sticking him with a $6K bill from when she used his SSN to get governmental benefits...or the fact that he lies to keep working from home, which began because girl was medically having some issues, but he is selfish with is time and MUST have a nap every day undisturbed...so they spend 24/7 together, with the baby-LITERALLY!)

but i wonder, is she supposed to endure this for the sake of her family and her marital commitment? i personally do not understand the concept of having separate everything and splitting everything evenly....that's like living as roommates. and if that's the case, why be married? i do not understand loaning your wife money to buy diapers. but she endures and forgives him for 2 reasons....(a) she's scared he'll leave and (b) she feels she is obligated to take it because she married him and these are the consequences of that choice and to the commitment she made before God. is this what we are expected to do as imperfect beings? i try not to judge others situations, because NO ONE can understand someone's else's true perspective...but i do feel like there are some times when i can identify/empathize and i vehemently disagree with some choices being made.

i'm not saying i feel she should leave right now...but if it were me, i'd DEFINITELY put my foot down about some things. even if it put me at risk for him to leave me. if he chose to do so, then that'd be on him. but i find it extremely hard to look at, be around, respect or even ACT like i respect someone who would treat me like this.

i do believe that we should forgive others. i do believe in the concept of reeping what you sow. i do believe that we should lead by example if someone is choosing to be wreckless or irresponsible. i do believe in family. i do not believe in this situation tho. at least not the way it is now.

***WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS SITUATION? WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON FORGIVENESS? IS THERE A LINE THAT YOU HAVE WHERE IF CROSSED, THERE IS NO FORGIVENESS FOR? IS THERE SOMEONE WHO DID SOMETHING TO YOU AND HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM YOUR LIFE/INNERCIRCLE? WHAT WAS THE ACT?****

What Is Attractive To You?

remember my friend that i told you about? the one who meets people on line? well, she has taken up with a new person. what strikes me as even more odd is that almost every person is sooooooo drastically different from the last. i'm wondering, what exactly is she looking for?

i told you about the legless felon, the preacher from myspace and now it's a medical rep with 2 kids. legless was a skinny thug. he worked in the sprint store. he lost his leg escaping from police. he was very rough around the edges, wore hip-hop clothes and had a lot of family baggage. preacher was *cough* a preacher, but she never found out what his 9-5 is because he does not pastor a church. she doesn't know much of him, but she found him attractive. he wears suits, polo shirts and khakis. he's dark-skinned, well groomed, low haircut, and no kids. medical rep is light skinned. he's suuuuuuuuuper light skinned actually. he has 2 children and dreadlocks.

beside the fact that i feel they all have some serious character issues, they are all so different. physically and with their places in life. i was so confused that i had to ask, what are you actually attracted to? do you just want a guy, any guy? because you don't seem to have a "type." you are like an equal opportunity dater-lol. (she didn't like that) but i am confused. i really am curious about what she is attracted to in a guy? physically and otherwise. some chicks like upstanding guys with a 9-5, no kids, clean cut. some like thugs, no real career, might have kids, rough-and-stuff. some like a mixture, some like dark, some light, some low hair, some long hair, some ambitious and driven, some blowing in the wind with no real goals-hustler type......i have no idea what she likes. (i'm starting to think it's whatever with a twig & berries-lol)

BUT WHAT DO YOU LIKE? WHAT IS ATTRACTIVE TO YOU IN THE OPPOSITE SEX...PHYSICAL AND OTHERWISE?

Love In Space...

sooooooooooo, i have a friend. she likes to meet guys off of the net. she has been doing this for years....i mean, yeeeeeeeeeears, like maybe 7-8. in the beginning, while it was still dangerous, it was still the "new" thing to do and it was before the freaks, weirdos, terrorists, pedophiles and such came out in droves. people were fascinated at the idea of meeting a possible love interest or friend on the other end of the monitor. i always expressed my concern because it seemed to spiral out of control with the meetings. she was crossing state lines on a regular basis! i couldn't understand the logic. i said-IF you feel you have to keep meeting these guys face to face, why do you always have to be the one to travel? but she'd brush me off and skip onto the next plane, train or automobile to meet whoever of the moment.

ok, so now we're older. i really feel like this is extraordinarily strange to still continue meeting and greeting with the hope of serious relationships. mainly because...if we're older now, then obviously, she'd be seeking mates that are older. and the idea of a middle-aged person lurking for love just gives me the creeps. for some reason, it makes me question their social abilities and hidden lives. and the older you get, of course, the more baggage you acquire and can hide behind a web page. but in the era of truematch.com, and whatever else those love hook-up sites are, my comments fall on deaf ears. in the last year, she's encountered a man who flew her to the opposite coast to his homestate, they met, didn't really mesh well and she returned. later, she saw a pic of him online with a cast on. he told her he broke his hand when he punched his wife in the head. *head spinning in confusion* THIS is exactly what i speak of....he could have punched her in the head and broke something. and then to find out he was married like that? UGH!

realistically, you could meet a psycho anywhere. your future spouse could be standing over the tomatoes in the grocery store....then turn out to be a complete nut later down the line. but there is something that is especially creepy about the net love.

the latest rendezvous took the cake tho. it was with a preacher from myspace. for some reason, this one really made me feel like the naughty girl kissing in the confessional...and i'm not catholic nor am i the one meeting him...but it just made me feel *weird.* i guess it was because she's my BFF and he's...like...a...preacher! i just couldn't adjust to the idea of a preacher meeting up with ladies via myspace. and what if they did become an item? would he proclaim from the pulpit, "you know i met the first lady of Hold My Mule Tabernacle on myspace back in the day, right?" it just doesn't feel right. and why would a preacher be surfing the net for chicks anyway? unlike a large number of folks who do this, they (technically) shouldn't be "hooking up" or having flings with the new lust objects....so why not just wait until you encounter someone in real life that seems interesting? i mean, the fact that you are reaching out to them via the net kinda rings of lust to me...well, maybe i say that because my friend has pics in her album of our new year's outing and she is holding her breasts like two cassava melons....not in a skanky way, but just odd when you know a preacher's looking at them. then to top it all off, the net seems to let general info go untold for a little longer than it would had the people met in life, like

what is your job?

what kind of car do you drive?

are you married?

do you have both of your legs? if not, how did this occur?

^^this was the one before the preacher...and yes, he was missing a leg, but he never spoke of it until my friend sat on his lap and felt the clicks or clacks that connect the fake leg to his stump. of course, PCD freaked out because i said it could have become a weapon in the wrong situation and you wouldn't have even known he had it until it cracked you upside your head...my freak-out wasn't about the fact that he was missing a leg, it was about the secrecy ABOUT the leg and the awkward way it came out...because they had spent the night together by this point...smh

***MAYBE IT'S JUST ME...BUT DO YOU THINK NET LOVIN' IS THE HOTNESS? OR IS IT OF UTTER WACKNESS?***

BITNP & Friends In My Head

so tracey morgan hit up saturday night live to respond to tina fey's skit a few weeks back - "B*tch Is The New Black"....his is entitled "Black Is The New President"...take a looksey

thoughts?

************************************************

and on another note...have you ever seen someone famous or otherwise that you don't know, but feel like you could know and be good friends with? i like to call them 'friends in my head.' somethiing about them seems so relatable that i could actually picture us hanging out, going shopping, having play-dates or chit-chatting over brunch on a sunny day. i don't mean in the stalker way...but just someone you see that for some reason, you identify with....well, my top friends in my head are..

tracee ellis ross

first let me just express my deepest love for the show "girlfriends." now, i must acknowledge my disgust with how crappily their show was axed without so much as an announcement or finale. nonetheless, her character (joan) was my fave! well, actually toni was my fave, but for entertainment reasons. joan was my fave because i related to her. she's just as sentimental and silly as i am. she loved her friends and was extremely dependable...kinda like the mama of the group and that is so me....well, with a few dashes of fabulous fun sprinkled on top. and i love her fashion sense...i'd love to go shopping with her!

toni braxton

i LOVE her music. i really do. she's so cute! and her little boys are adorable. she seems like a fun, hip mom to hang out with and have play dates with. also, a piece of me feels for her family and their struggle with her oldest son denim's autism. i used to actually teach autistic men (whoa!) and i know the hardships. nonetheless, she has a down-to-earth vibe that makes her seem like that cool friend to hang with at the house while cooking out in the backyard with the kids, sipping some reisling and listening to some tunes.

dave chappelle

ok, i love to laugh. if there was a word bigger than love...i'd feel it for laughing. dave is the epitome of off-beat yet hilarious humor. and to top that off, he's extremely political and cultured in his own comedic way. and it always works. it doesn't matter where he is...he just says the craziest things and i would be on the floor holding my stomach literally from the pains of laughing too hard. dave is definitely the party/hang-out friend. not necessarily out in the clubs or anything....but for a good time (get your head outta the gutter), i'd definitely call dave.

queen latifah

i've loved queen latifah since "ladies first" when she had those twin back-up dancers and was wearing the african clothes. back then i didn't fully understand why, but as i grew older, i began to really appreciate her lyrical offerings. she rapped of something different besides men, sex and booty-shaking. not to mention i identified with her physically...well, height-wise. she's tall. i'm tall and i wasn't always comfortable with being tall. she used her height (basketball) and never tried to shrink into the ideal of standard hollywood beauty. she's evolved into such a multi-faceted star...i mean that literally. with the acting & singing, she's become a household name. she's even been nominated for an osacr...that's phenomenal for someone who started off in newark, nj rapping guys under the table like a champ!

sade

sade needs no intro, no explanation, no nothing. she's sade for crying outloud! she'd be like my older calm mother friend. and i would have to resist the urge to just blurt out "can you sing something please?" every time i saw her. she seems like such a calm, elegant women. and i love her accent. she also seems like a wise woman. i could see her saying "now pcd, maybe you should try this instead..." as we relaxed at a spa. then i'd say "ok, now sing 'love is stonger than pride'" and get pinched on the arm because i'd probably say that every 4.5 seconds.

***WHO ARE YOUR FRIENDS IN YOUR HEAD & WHY? WHO DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD HANG OUT WITH OR RELATE TO? (PLEASE PICK SOMEONE THAT IS ALIVE)***